When something disrupts the harmony of your house, you often find out things about yourself that you never knew.
For example, it just so happens that behind this friendly exterior and bubbly personality, that I do believe there are some unresolved anger issues. Or should I say, undiscovered rather than unresolved? But I’m assuming I’ve always had them, just never had it rough enough to see them. So I’ve been angry lately. At everything. But mostly at our pup. Poor thing. So I cry constantly when I’m left alone with her and she does something that disappoints me – biting or a piddle accident. Just like I often do with the people in my life, I have put unrealistic expectations on the ‘little thing’ only to be let down, consistently. But poor thing can’t help it. And then she’ll kiss me or actually make it outside to piddle or lay down when I ask, and it all seems okay again. I suppose I just always want to believe the best of things, whether that be dogs or people or crops.
So like the pup, my garden has made me angry lately. But it has its redeeming qualities as well. When the squash decided to start dying away I was angry, only to discover that squash only has a produce yield of 2-3 weeks per plant. A fact I would have known had I done my research ahead of time. And the corn is wimping out. And weeds are taking over faster than I can lay down newspaper. And the tomato plants are lousy when all the others in the neighborhood seem hardy. BUT, and isn’t there always a but. BUT then I saw it. Purple, fleshy yumminess. That’s right, an eggplant. What?! Of all things, I assumed that would be the plant to let me down. And here we are, only 2 weeks after blooms began to appear that there lay not one, but two little eggplants that I’m going to turn into something good for my tummy. AND, because there is always an and. AND my green beans took off. We’ve been enjoying fistfuls daily. So good. Oh yes, and one carrot. So not everything has left me with that sense of overwhelming angry disappointment.
It’s something I should work on. The tears are not worth it. The headache is not worth it. The same should be true with my pup. And other people. And life. Instead of searching for that redeeming quality, perhaps I should be making that redeeming quality within myself. Why expect other things to make my happiness meter sway, why not make my own happiness. A quality I should definitely work on.
Anger comes slow to the joyful at heart.